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" Which led us to the patio and a rusted out grill.Opening it, I was startled to discover a singing frog, belting out "My Ragtime Gal," as he emerged, dancing like an amphibian Rockette. Surprised, I stumbled until sprawling over a cat so fat and lethargic it must have been on an all lasagna diet. Unfortunately, my heel landed on its neck with a gruesome, cracking sound followed by a brief, very brief, screech.. .and not the one from "Saved By the Bell."I would have enjoyed sending that so-called actor to a woeful demise. Purloined, my delightful ass! The beast was asleep on the kitchen floor like me after a bender. Who allegedly purloined it anyway, Mr. Sandman?I grabbed Cynthia's hand and we fled the mournful scene, but not before changing the title card from "Purloined" to "Deceased Pussy." But I could tell something was bothering her so I led her into the empty pantry and as deftly as a magician, I stripped her panties, making them disappear."Ta-Da," I exclaimed proudly! She. .. tried to put a finger up my butt, God it's so embarrassing. Then I thought I found a guy I might actually be able to live with. He was a nice as you, he never pressed me for more time and actually made me want him to be around more. He was the one guy who didn't want too much from me. Then I found out why, he's married and lives on Indian Lake with a wife and 2 kids. I'm such a loser."Mary started crying and I went to her to comfort her as best I know."Mary, you're not a loser. You know how I feel about you, and you were lucky enough to have 3 men chase you. You're a great looking woman, and as good a companion as any man could hope for. I know you as well as anyone and we tried to be a couple and neither one of us were happy, unable to handle the little quirks and sacrifices that go with it all. I can't let you own me, just like I can't own you. I've known you were sleeping with other men, and it never made a difference to me. But since I found that out I've let you call the shots.
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